"It seems wrong."


"Because look at him. You can see it in his eyes. He loves her. She’s his world. Nothing else can create that sparkle."

"I can see it in her eyes too."

"Yes, but only when she looks away."

And so I will remember this as the Spring of Wallowing. 

What a funny feeling

It’s like I know how to climb out of this hole. It’s like a ladder is there, just across the span, and all I would need to do would to be face the rigorous climb to reach the top. Nobody is stopping me. In fact, I’m sure some would be glad to see I reached the top, though they may not have known I was at the bottom. 
I need to move, I need to create, I need to learn,  those are the rungs to the top. 

But instead I sit here, just starting at that ladder.  I fear falling before I even try. 
I’ll just give up anyway, I can’t be that good anyway, I’m failing anyway. 

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow, I will try to climb tomorrow, today is not the day….tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.  Another day is wasted wallowing. 

Fuck I need a therapist. They could probably pinpoint my issues as I already have, but a stranger’s voice saying them may light a fire again. I always had a distaste for that though, burrowing down into this hole instead, hiding, not wanting to be a bother, heaven forbid I’m seen as dramatic. 

So another day, week, month passes, standing in my own way as I always have. The bottle is full, festering. 

Great, there goes 50% of my friend circle

Bike fixed: $70
New iPod FOR FUCKS SAKE: ~$100
Proper case for phone: ~$20
Juicer: ~$100
New tennis shoes:$50?

Think I need a second job if I’m gonna start getting back in shape/get stuff I’ve needed/wanted 4evs

Tags: poopy






All I want to do is cuddle and sleep. Fuck, just sleep and be a slug forever. 
Hate this feeling. 

I fucking suck at the game. 



Having a high sex drive and yet only wanting to be with someone in another state is fucking frustrating as fuck

Kinda late for New Year sentiments, but:

It’s really kinda strange when I think about who I hung out with this time last year and now and the really strange circumstances that led to those fissures or connections. 
Strange and kind of a bummer; I’m more used to physical location breaking off relationships, not…the relationships.